If there’s one thing I look for in a dram, other than amazing flavour of course, it’s a whisky with a story behind it, be it fact, fiction, or a little bit of both. 

Whisky is a spirit steeped in ancient history, tradition, myth, and mystique. It’s arguably the most spiritual of all the, well, spirits out there, and has helped to shape some truly fascination myths, legends, superstitions, and stories over the centuries. 

Now, do I believe all the whisky/whiskey stories out there, many of which can be traced back hundreds of years? Of course not. Does that matter? Absolutely not. The fact is, they’re entertaining, there’s usually at least some element of truth to them, and they’re about one of my most favourite subjects in the entire world! 

With that said, for today’s post I’m looking at several unbelievable whisky tales that’ll blow your minds. Just a heads up, that while some are factual, others may have been, shall I say, a little liberal with the truth. In any event, let’s get to it. 

The Bowmore Exciseman

Our first tale takes us back to the days of the dreaded excisemen and illicit distillation. 

The story goes, that after increasing pressure from the excisemen on Islay, illicit distillers eventually grew tired of watching over their shoulders. That, accompanied by stricter punishment meant that the locals felt that distilling whisky illegally wasn’t worth the risk. 

One day, a local vowed to turn his back on illegal distillation for good. He dismantled his equipment and sold what supplies he had left. All that remained was one single solitary keg of whisky. He ventured off into the wilderness to find some thirsty locals to offload it to. This would be his final score, before turning his back on illegal distillation forever. 

Unfortunately, as he carried the keg to a buyer, he was apprehended by an exciseman. The exciseman clearly had him bang to rights, and asked sarcastically where he was going with a keg of whisky under his arm. Expecting a ridiculous lie or sob story, the exciseman was instead amazed when the local confessed to his crimes and stated that he was on his way to Bowmore to meet the exciseman there to hand over the whisky. This last part was of course a lie, but it worked. 

Impressed by his honesty, and unaware of the local’s cunning, the excise officer told him that he was in fact, the excise officer from Bowmore, and had an unusual request for him. Rather than bringing him to justice, he let him on his way, on the condition that he would drop the whisky off at his home, and help his wife to stash it under his bed, next to the barrel of whisky he already had hidden there. Needless to say, the cunning local was more than happy to oblige, and off he went. 

Now, most people would do as instructed and thank their lucky stars that they had been let off, but not this particular chap. Instead, he had the cheek to not only sell the keg of whisky to a Bowmore local, but to still visit the exciseman’s home. Once he arrived, he knocked on the door and told the exciseman’s wife that he had been sent by her husband to collect the barrel of whisky upstairs under the bed. 

The woman invited him in and allowed him to help himself to the whisky. On his way home, he found another buyer for his new keg of whisky, leaving the exciseman absolutely livid and desperate to track him down. He was, apparently, never found. 

The Real Story of Whisky Galore

If you’ve not yet read the 1947 book, or watched the 1949 film Whisky Galore, when you have a spare few hours, please put that right, as it’s an absolutely classic story based upon true events. 

On February the 5th, 1941, the SS Politician was sailing through the Outer Hebrides, just off of Scotland’s west coast. As you know, the climate there can be temperamental and the rugged Scottish coastline can be treacherous at the best of times, especially during the winter. 

A bad winter storm blew in, and the ship encountered very harsh weather which knocked it off course. It sustained heavy damage thanks to the sandbanks and jagged rocks on the Isle of Eriksay. The ship’s fuel tanks were destroyed, and the crew were left stranded. Now, you must remember, that at the time, much of the world was at war and rationing was in full swing. To the locals of the island, an enormous cargo vessel washed up, stocked with seemingly endless untold treasures seemed like an opportunity too good to pass up. 

The trade ship was carrying all manner of things from cotton and food to medicine and toiletries. To the absolute joy of the locals however, it was also stocked to the gills with Scotch whisky. 264,000 bottles to be precise.

Word quickly spread and more very helpful “rescue parties” joined in from neighbouring communities. To them, the whisky was fair game, as it was surely ruined. The authorities did not share this same view and classed it as theft. 

In total, it is believed that as many as 24,000 bottles of whisky were “rescued” by those helpful locals. The police carried out raids on villages and crofts, and some locals were even sentenced to time in jail. 

After official salvage efforts were called off, the ship’s hull was actually blown up, so as to destroy any remaining contents and prevent anyone else from helping themselves. Much of the remaining whisky was destroyed and eventually sank to the bottom of the ocean, along with the remains of the ship.

To this day, divers still scour the area in the hopes of discovering the occasional bottle. This is hardly surprising considering back in the late 80s, a local diver found 8 bottles in the wreckage. Two of these were sold by Scotch Whisky Auctions in 2013 for £12,000! Now, where did I stick my diving gear? 

Late To Your Own Funeral

In Scotland, whisky used to be consumed at virtually any function or event you can think of, including funerals. After all, it is the national drink, and it certainly made funerals fairly “interesting” to say the very least. 

Rather than simply consisting of friends and family, funerals would often include entire villages and communities. Long before motor vehicles were invented, those who had sadly passed would be manually carried to their funeral by the funeral party. Those who had resided in especially isolated villages would often be carried for several miles. 

One story that really stands out is that of Jessy Colquhoun. Jessy sadly passed away and on the day of her funeral, a group of men, led by her brother Jamie, set off carrying Jessy’s casket on a four-mile journey to lay her to rest. 

It was thirsty work carrying a coffin, and so it was customary for the funeral party to call in for a dram of whisky at each inn they passed on the way, and raise a toast to the deceased. Now, outside each inn, were a collection of large flat stones called Lecker stanes. Obviously, you couldn’t carry a casket into a pub, so it would instead be left outside on the flat stones. Can you guess where this story is going yet? 

On the way to the kirkyard (a Scottish term for churchyard) the funeral party would pass three inns in total. While it was traditional to order a single dram, once they got a taste for it, it wasn’t uncommon for one dram to turn into two or three. Needless to say, by the time they reached the church, it was almost dark, and the gravedigger was, not surprisingly, extremely annoyed. 

Jenny’s brother, stinking of single malt and slurring his words, apologised for being late. ‘Aye, that’s aw well and good’ replied the gravedigger, ‘but what about yer sister?’ Yep, after more than a few 

wee drams, they’d only gone and left Jessy’s body at the last inn they stopped off at! A group of the youngest, fittest, and soberest lads from the funeral procession were sent to retrieve the body.